I Taught 19 Men How to Moan My Wife's Name

I had a 102°F fever and just wanted to call in sick, but my wife’s assistant shot me down and forced me to work overtime. “Fern’s off enjoying Hawaii with her 18th boyfriend,” Jordan Wamsley said. “I’m in charge of the company now. Without my permission, don’t even think about stepping out of this office.” The bastard was doing it on purpose, hoping to earn a spot as my wife’s 19th boyfriend. I wasn’t having it. I called Fern directly. She answered coldly, “Jordan speaks for me. It’s just overtime—what’s the big deal? Stop being such a whiny little bitch.” That was the last punch I was willing to take. “Let’s just get a divorce.” Fern just scoffed. “Jarrett, you really think you have the balls to divorce me? You’re always yapping about it, but don’t forget—your mom’s medical bills still come out of my check every month.” As soon as the call ended, Jordan fired off a poll in the company group chat. [Jarrett’s threatening divorce again. Y’all think he means it this time?] Fern’s vote popped up instantly. [Bluff] This time, I was already halfway out the door. This time, I meant it.